Breach of Contract
by bibi 13ca
Summary: In order to save her marriage and keep her family together she betrayed and pushed away the one person that made her truly happy. The problem was, she hadn't counted on missing him so much she physically hurt. However, Alicia decided to stick by her choice. At least she had, up until she heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and had to face the possibility that Will could die.


**N: **Hello everyone (or more likely that one person still reading my Will/Alicia stories). As promised, another one-shot.

I must admit, I was a little sad to see the response for my multi-chapter story "Last Clear Chance". I did actually think people will like it more.

Hopefully, you'll like this one better. Enjoy!

**Breach of Contract**

"Uh?" Alicia moved her head a little to look at her husband. She was pretty sure he had said something, but she had no idea what. Her eyes had been glued to the pair dancing a few feet from them. Her mind preoccupied with other things. Things she shouldn't be thinking of.

Did Will just squeeze his date's ass? Wait, no, she had to concentrate. Peter was talking to her, or at least trying to. Alicia gave herself a mental slap. It didn't help much. She shouldn't have had that third glass of wine. Alcohol made it even harder for her to stay in control. Damnit, she should've known better. She was acting like a reckless teenager. The behavior was so unlike her that it took her by surprise.

"I asked if you are ok," Peter explained. Alicia took another quick look at Will and his way-too-young date before turning her attention back to her husband. God how she wished she were in love with him still. She wished he could keep her attention the way he used to. Alas, that had been long ago. Now the reality was different. Alicia had to work hard to keep her heart from wondering. To keep herself next to the man she had married and away from the man she wanted to run to. She had made a decision and she had to stick by it, no matter how much it hurt her. That was not to say she didn't care about Peter. She did, she even loved him, a part of her always will, she just wasn't _in love_ with him anymore.

"I… yes, I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Peter glanced in the direction Alicia had been looking in seconds prior. He sighed. "You just seem miles away that's all? Are you two still at odds?" somehow her and Peter had stopped dancing and were making their way towards the table. Before answering, Alicia took another peek to the left. The pair was gone. Will's date was walking in the direction of the bathroom, but he was nowhere in sight.

She smiled sadly to herself. Peter thought she was preoccupied because she and Will were fighting. That she was sad her friend was mad at her. Had Peter Florrick ever known Alicia? Lately, she wondered often weather her husband had ever truly known her.

Were her and Will still at odds? Yes and no. The last few times they had been in the same room, they managed to be civil towards each other. Alicia could tell Will was still mad at her. She was a little mad at him too. He had not played fair. Using things she had shared with him in confidence in court, had hurt. The words he threw her way had hurt. 'God, you're awful' he had said. The sad part was… he wasn't wrong. Still, it didn't mean it hurt any less hearing him say it. Especially him. He had always seen her…better than she was. And Alicia had always wanted to live up to that image that Will Gardner had had of her. Feeling as if she had disappointed him had hurt in ways she couldn't understand. But she didn't show the hurt to anyone, because she had no right to it. Because no one would've understood any better than she did.

"Not as much," she said honestly. Where the hell was Will? She wondered, looking around the room. "Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom," she said and got up so quickly she hit the table.

"Must be an emergency," Peter laughed and held both their glasses steady until the table stopped shaking. He looked up at her with a grin.

"Yes. Sorry," she gave him an awkward smile and started walking towards the bathrooms. Half way there she changed direction, making her way towards the terrace. It was a little chilly outside, but at least she would be alone. She needed a moment to gather herself. Even since her and Peter arrived to this stupid gala, she hadn't been able to take her eyes off Will Gardner. He looked great as always and on his arm, as if she just stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine, Juliette O'Hara. A Chicago born actress who played semi-professional tennis and had about 1.5 meters of legs alone. Alicia wanted nothing more than to poke her bright blue eyes out.

Alicia opened the door and was immediately hit by the crispy air. She breathe in, letting the cold air fill her lungs. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment of weakness. A moment in which she could admit she had been jealous of a twenty-something years old girl. Jealous of how Will's hands kept sliding over her way to perfect body. Jealous of the way she was allowed to touch him in return and hold his hand and kiss him. Alicia did not only watch the couple dance. She watched them at their table too. Somehow the people in charge of assigning the seats must've knows. They must've know and had wanted to make Alicia Florrick hurt. Rub in her face something she wanted, something she missed, because it was her own fault she couldn't have it. It had been her choice. Always her choice. Will Gardner had always made it clear that where they were concerned, it was always going to be Alicia's choice. She both loved and hated him for it.

Her and Peter had been placed right in front of their table, right in front of them. In front of Chicago's 16th most eligible bachelor and Chicago's sweetheart. For nearly two hours Alicia had had a perfect view of Will feeding his young blonde shrimp. She had had a perfect view of the two of them laughing together. And she had had a perfect view of Miss O'Hara leaning in and whispering something in Will's ear. Something that made him smirk in that sexy way that let Alicia know he was up to no good.

Letting out a deep sigh, she opened her eyes and walked away from the door. Three steps later she realized she wasn't alone.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Well, she had just found out where Will disappeared to. He was a few steps away from the door, leaning against the wall. At his words, Alicia stopped in her tracks.

"Are you following me now?" he asked. She flinched. His tone of voice was as cold as the air around them. She had to admit to herself, she missed the times when the tone of his voice didn't hurt as much as it did. She wished – not for the first time – that she could turn back time. She wished she could go back to before she had hurt him. Back to before her life turned into a publicized mess. Hell, back twenty years ago. Back when they were just a couple of young, idealistic students.

"No, I just… I didn't know someone was already here," she said softly. As usual when she was around Will, a battle was taking place within herself. She wanted to stay. She wanted to go. She wanted to be close to him and run and hide as far away from him as possible, all at the same time. "Isn't your girlfriend going to wonder where you are?" she asked. Attacking him was the safer choice. It had been since she had left Lockhart/Gardner.

He smirked. "She'll be just fine."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you have to go to the bar and order a drink for her? She doesn't look old enough to order one for herself."

Why was she being a bitch? Ah yes, because she was jealous. Alicia was not too familiar with the feeling. It suddenly occurred to her she had only got jealous where Will was concerned. She had been jealous of all the girls – and there had been many – in college. She had been jealous of Tammy and her knowledge of sports. Hell, Alicia had been jealous of any woman Will came in contact with.

"You have got to stop doing that," he said and moved a few inches away from the wall. A few inches closer to her. Alicia shook her head slightly, trying to get a grip of herself. Her brain was screaming at her to get away. To leave and go back to her husband. Despite her brain's efforts, she not only didn't leave, but took a step closer to him. Her brain power had been severely damaged by two tequila shots and three glasses of wine. "You gotta stop acting undignified on my behalf. It is none of your business whom I choose to date. And for your information, she is twenty-nine. She can order her own damn alcohol."

"Are you sure? Kids these days have fake ids you know."

"No, honestly Alicia. What is your problem? Even since I got here, you have been keeping your eyes on me. You followed me here and now you're complaining about the woman I am dating." Once he finished his sentence Alicia noticed that he somehow walked closer to her. That his chest was raising and falling at a rushed pace and that his fists were clenched at his sides. She placed her right foot in front of herself. As if she was taking a stance, ready for battle. They were close now, almost breathing in each other's face. "What is it that you want from me?"

What did she want? She wanted to not feel the way she did. She wanted to be able to look at him and not hurt. She wanted to be sure again… sure of her husband and what they had. The way she had been twenty years ago. She wanted the world to stop spinning and make sense again.

"I want…" she started, but couldn't finish her sentence. What was she going to say anyway? _I want to not want you so damn much it hurts_. What would've been the point? It wasn't as if it was up to him. It wasn't up to him. It wasn't up to anyone. Apparently, it wasn't even up to her. Suddenly she became very much aware of his proximity to her. And of the fact that every time the wind blew in her direction, she could smell his cologne. The familiarity of his scent was messing with her head. She remembered resting her head on his shoulder and being enveloped by that scent. She remembered feeling sexy, wanted, safe and loved. She missed it… she missed the way he made her feel.

She licked her lips and opened her mouth. No words came out. A second later his own lips were pressed against her own. Out of reflex, her arms snaked around his neck. She could feel his own arms enveloping her. His palms moved up and down her back a few times. One settled in the middle and one at the small of her back, pressing her closer to him. His mouth moved on her with clockwork precision. His tongue caressed her own in slow, dragged out strokes that made her feel dizzy. Before she could get a grip on herself, he literally pushed her away. She opened her eyes and looked straight into his. They were burning. A mixture of regret, anguish and logging obvious in them.

"This is mental," he said in a breathy voice. "I have to stop. But Damnit, I look at you and I forget everything. I forget you're married. I forget we already did this and it didn't end well. And hell, I forget you betrayed me and you lied to me…"

"Will I_"

"No," he raised a hand. "No, you can't do this. You've got to stop. You left me."

"Will, I am sorry," she grabbed his hand and moved – once again – closer to him. "I had no choice," she whispered. As if in a trance, she lifted her right hand and caressed his face. She moved lower, on his cheek, his jawline and finally his lips. She wanted to provide comfort. To him, to herself. Hell, she didn't know anymore. They were both hurting and she didn't know what to do. The instinct took over and she rose on her tiptoes to kiss him. It was a gentle kiss, her bottom lip simply brushing over his. "Please don't hate me."

Will let out a breath against her mouth. "I don't fucking hate you. That's the problem," he said and Alicia let out a soft little whimper. "That's why you have to let me go. Let me let you go Alicia," his voice broke slightly at his last few words. Alicia's heart broke a little too.

"I don't know how," she admitted, kissing him again. She had tried. Really, she had. Leaving his firm, renewing her vows… It clearly didn't work, because here she was. Back where they started. She looked up at him. His face was blurred by the tears forming in her eyes.

"Will," a third voice called. They broke apart. Alicia quickly wiped her tears and turned in the direction of the door. Diane was standing a few feet from them. Her arms crossed and eyebrows lifted. "Luc was looking for you, he wants a word before leaving," she said. Will looked at Alicia. "Go talk to him. I need to have a word with Alicia anyway," she went on.

Once the door closed after Will, Diane made her way towards Alicia.

"Anyone could've come through that door. What were you thinking?" she asked. Alicia felt like a teenager being scolded.

"I wasn't," she admitted softly. That was what Will Gardner did to her. What he had always done to her. He made her lose the ability to think rationally. That was why she chose to leave his firm. That was why she had tried so hard to stay away from him.

"Well, you can't afford to not think," Diane said. It was the truth and it stung. "You are acting like a toddler who can't make up her mind." Ouch! Alicia looked at her feet in shame. "If you want him, you'll have to do something about it. And if you don't, just put him out of his misery and tell him so."

"I am pretty sure he hates me," Alicia said and Diane made an uncommitted sound.

"No, he doesn't hate you. Although I am sure he wishes he did," she said and Alicia wondered how that was any better. "We were in my office the other day, celebrating the win for Big Brick Constructions. Champagne and whisky were involved. Anyway, Will told me about you two at Georgetown. I understand now," Diane said and Alicia watched her former boss confused. "I understand why Will was willing to sacrifice so much for you."

"I don't understand," Alicia said confused.

"Don't play dumb Alicia. It doesn't become you. The man has obviously been in love with you for the past twenty years and if you don't feel the same, I think you should just tell him. Although, it seems to me the feeling might actually be mutual."

Alicia let out a sarcastic laugh. "What does it matter? I am married_"

"Oh please. You have a contract with Peter Florrick not a marriage. Anyone can see that there's no love when you look at him. I never meddled in your private life Alicia. I respect you, despite everything, and respect your decisions. It doesn't mean I agree with you. I honestly don't know why or for whom you are sacrificing. Is it for your children? Is it for the people of Illinois?" Dane asked. Before Alicia could say anything, Diane went on. "But ask yourself this, is it really worth it? You have been sacrificing and giving this man twenty years of your life. Isn't that enough?" With that the older woman turned on her heels and made her way inside, leaving a very confused and shocked Alicia behind.

***UH***

For the rest of the night all Alicia had been able to think of were Diane's words. She had told her that Will had been in love with her since their time at Georgetown. But that couldn't be. It had to have been a crush. They developed some sort of feelings for each other because they were spending so much time together. It was natural. But love?

Before she had the chance to analyze further, Peter announced that they had gotten home. She didn't register the journey. She remembered getting in the car, but after that...nothing until the moment her husband said: "Alicia, we're home." She turned towards her left to look at Peter. He was already getting out of the car. Alicia couldn't help but remember how Will liked to stay an extra minute in the car whenever they got home. He liked to hold her hand and kiss her – if there was nobody around. She closed her eyes for a brief few seconds. When she finally got out of the car, she unconsciously clenched her fists. It seemed to happen a lot lately...for her to compare the two men. She left Lockhart/Gardner knowing Will was going to be mad at her. She left because she had wanted to put some distance between them. She left because she wanted to stop thinking of him constantly. Because every time she looked at him, she remembered the feel of his touch, the warmth of his breath against her skin, the smell of his cologne and the way his kisses would make her stomach clench and her heartbeat speed up. However somehow Will Gardner had been on her mind even more since she left his firm.

As soon as the door to the apartment closed behind them, Alicia came back to reality. "You looked beautiful tonight," Peter said out of nowhere. Alicia took off her high heels before turning to face her husband. Once again her mind went to work and started comparing her husband's very subdued manner to Will's rather aggressive and dominant one.

Alicia mumbled a soft "thank you" before letting her imagination run wild and come up with the way Will Gardner would've reacted. She imagined it was her and Will coming home from a gala. They would've pulled in the garage. The engine would've stopped pouring. Will would've reached for her hand, leaned to the side and whispered in her ear: "we're home," in that gruff whisper he sometimes used. Will wouldn't have waited for them to get inside the apartment. No. Will Gardner was a lot of things, patient however, was not one of them. As soon as the elevator doors would've closed, he would've pressed her against the wall. He would've kissed her enough to make her head spin, but not enough to satisfy her. And right as he pulled away, lips still close enough to brush over her sensitive flesh as he spoke, he would've said something about the way she looked. He would've said something very Will-like. Something a little vulgar maybe and scandalous that would've made her instantly wet between her legs. Something like: "Your ass looks incredible in this dress, but you must've known. I am sure you did it on purpose, just to drive me wild. All I could think about all night was taking it off. You've got my cock hard as rock the whole time we danced." And Alicia would've shivered at his words. Then they would've gotten inside. Will would've grabbed her. He would've pushed the hem of her skirt up her thighs and wrapped her legs around his waist. His hips rocking forward, he would've whispered in her ear: "see what you did to me?" Alicia would've moaned at the feel of his erection against her heated center.

"Alicia?"

She jumped at the sound of Peter's voice so close to her. Without realizing, she had walked inside the bedroom and was now in front of the mirror. Peter was standing right behind her. "Sorry?"

"Can I help you with your dress?" he asked.

Once again her mind drifted to Will. Will wouldn't have asked for permission. Hell he would've told her he will rip her dress off and immediately after proceed to do just that. A shiver went through her entire body at the thought. She could hear the sound of material being ripped. She could feel his eager hands all over her body.

Alicia bit her lip. She walked over to the wall and turned off the light. Then she walked in front of Peter and turned around. He pulled the zipper down and before he could do anything else, Alicia shook the dress off her. She took Peter's hand and walked him to the bed. With a little more force than she intended, she pushed him on the mattress.

"Alicia I..." he started but she interrupted him.

"Shhh," she whispered and placed a finger against his lips. Tonight she didn't want her husband, tonight she wanted Will Gardner. The problem was…it wasn't just tonight.

***UH***

The next day Alicia had to be in court early. She had had to refuse an important gathering for Peter, but she had no choice. She couldn't afford to say no to clients who requested her specifically. The worst part was that she had said she will go when Eli asked her three weeks ago. Also, she was supposed to introduce Peter. Alas, she couldn't be in two places at once. She told Peter the new firm was going to be her priority for a while and he had agreed. Alicia knew her husband only agreed to that because he was happy to have her as far away from Will Gardner as possible…little did he know the plan didn't work. They might not work together anymore, but Alicia was seeing Will at least once a week on cases. Even this morning she knew he will be in court too, defending Jeffrey Grant. He will actually be in the room next to hers. The thought provided her with a neat little knot in her stomach.

The night before re-played in Alicia's mind. Watching Will with someone else and being jealous. Going out on the terrace and finding Will there. Him asking her to let him go. Kissing him…yes, she remembered vividly kissing him. She bit her lip as a light shiver went through her body at the memory of his kiss. She shook her head to get back to reality.

Somehow Alicia managed to avoid Will all morning. She saw him briefly after lunch. They must've had a recess as well. They had only been back in session for fifteen minute when she heard it.

"Bang!" it had sounded like cannon fire.

Somehow people always tended to forget just how loud gunshots were. She stopped talking mid-sentence. Other shots followed the first one. There was no mistaken it now. The gunshot noises came from the room next to hers. For what seemed to Alicia like hours, but in reality it must've been only a couple of minutes, she froze. She stopped moving, she stopped breathing, her mind went completely blank and every noise around her died out. Then, just as sudden as all her senses paralyzed, they came back. She ran out of the courtroom and straight to the one next to it. She rushed for the door, but ran right into a police officer. Just then she realized that people were screaming, some running around, and some frozen in place. There was shattered glass everywhere on the floor. Alicia herself was stepping on some of it. She tried to look inside the room, since the glass from the door had been broken, but she couldn't see because of the towering officer holding her.

"Please, I need to get in there," she pleaded. "My…Will is in there, please," she went on. She didn't realize she was crying until she perceived her hair stick to her cheeks and neck.

"Mam I can't let you in," the man said. On instinct Alicia tried to push him. Nothing happened. Losing her patience – and most probably her mind, she hit him. Once. Twice. Her tiny fists seem to bounce off of his chest.

"Let me go!" she demanded. She tried pushing him again. The guy didn't move an inch. "Please, I need to get in there. You don't understand I have to see if he is alright. Please," she pleaded once more.

Another policeman came out of the courtroom and Alicia looked at him expectantly. He paid no attention to her, but talked with the giant cop holding her instead. "Ambulance is on its way. First guy is dead, but there are two people shot and one with a broken leg," the other guy said. Alicia felt dizzy. She used the guy holding her for support to prevent herself from crushing to the floor. Someone was dead. What if it was…she couldn't even say it in her head.

She took in a deep breath, then another. Passing out wouldn't help. She had to get inside. She had to get to Will. He wasn't dead, she could feel it in her gut. Alicia was sure something would've happened to her if Will Gardner was dead.

Just as she was about to do something really stupid. Like try to crawl between the guy's legs in order to pass on the other side, she heard Kalinda's voice. "Rob, what happened?"

"Kalinda!"

"Alicia what are you_"

"Kalinda, they won't let me in. Will's in there and they won't let me in," Alicia said and watched as Kalinda's face lost color. However, the young woman pulled herself together way faster than Alicia.

Alicia really hoped Kalinda was going to help. She hoped the young woman would understand. To Alicia's relief, her former best friend did understand. "Let her go Rob, her husband's in there," Kalinda said. Alicia felt the guy's hands loosen up a little around her. "She won't disturb anything. She is a lawyer, she knows how to handle crime scenes."

The two women looked at each other. Alicia nodded her head once in thanks. In that moment, Alicia forgave Kalinda for all her sins.

"Only for a minute," the guy finally said. Alicia didn't wait to be told twice. She mumbled a quick 'thank you' and ran inside. She had to walk all the way to the front to find Will. Her heart was beating in her throat rather than her chest. When she saw him she let out a loud gasp. There was a pool of blood all around him. Alicia dropped to her knees. There was a 'crack' sound as they made contact with the floor.

"Will," she murmured in a shaky voice reaching for his hand. His eyes flew open and he gave her hand a firm little squeeze. She closed her eyes and let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "I am…please Will, hold on ok?" she stretched her free hand and caressed his face. He leaned into her touch. "You told me to let you let me go, but I can't Will. Because I can't let you go either."

Will's mouth opened and closed several times but no words came out. Alicia shook her head. "Don't talk. Help is on its way. Just hold on for me. Please…I can't…" a sob ripped through her, making her whole body convulse with its intensity. It was now or maybe never. She had to tell him. "Will, I…" her voice broke. Will's eyes closed. "No!" she yelled. "Don't you dare do this to me William Paul Gardner! You've got to hold on. I… I love you," she finally said through shaky sobs. His eyes opened once more.

Alicia now understood religion. Right there on a courtroom floor, holding on to the man she loved, Alicia understood God. Because sometimes people needed a higher being to pray to. They needed to think that their deepest, most ardent desires were being heard by someone. That in a moment of such despair and agony, they were not completely alone. So Alicia did the one thing she had never done before. She prayed.

***UH***

Soon after Will closed his eyes for the second time since she got there, the paramedics came. They pushed her out of the way. Not even a minute later a doctor who looked way too young to have graduated high school, let alone university came to her. Alas, not a doctor, a paramedic. He was talking to her, but it was as if her ears were stuffed, she couldn't only hear undistinguishable whispers.

"I am not hurt," she mumbled. "It isn't my blood…" again the guy seemed to try really hard to tell her something. A certain buzzing sound settled in her head. Her vision was kind of blurry too. Was she wearing her glasses? She couldn't recall putting glasses on, yet she could see spots. A few seconds later it all went black.

***UH***

Alicia opened her eyes slowly. Everything was so bright. Too bright. It was hurting her eyes. It took a while before everything came into focus. Peter was staring at her with a concerned look on his face.

"Hey," he murmured with a soft little smile. She frowned. "Doctor said your head will hurt for a while. You hurt your head when you fell."

She understood the words, yet they made no sense to her. "Fell?" she asked confused. She couldn't remember falling. A feeble attempt to move had proved Peter's words true. Her head was hurting. She looked around and soon came to the conclusion that she was in a hospital room.

"Yes, you fainted," Peter answered. "You don't remember?"

Alicia turned her attention back to her husband. "No… I… I was in court and then…" her eyes opened wide. "There were shots…Will got shot!" she said in a high pitched voice. She got into a sitting position so abruptly that Peter jerked in his seat. In a hurry, she pulled the IV needle from her left arm out and pushed the covers off her. Just as she managed to get out of bed, she lost balance. Peter grabbed her arm holding her upright.

"Where do you think you're going? You just fainted, you need to rest," Peter said in a severe voice trying to get her back in bed.

With a frown Alicia pulled her arm from his grasp. "Let me go! I am fine. I need to…I need to find Will," she said. She was still swaying a little on her feet, but figured she will regain her balance eventually as she started walking. Before she got to take another step however, a doctor came through the door.

"Mrs. Florrick, you should be in bed," he said and her husband gave her an 'I told you so' look. She simply rolled her yes. "I feel fine," she mumbled. The doctor took a few more steps inside the room. "You have a concussion. Not to mention that you have been through an incredibly traumatic event."

Alicia raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't in the room when the shooting happened," she said.

The doctor frowned. "I am sorry. I assumed… you've been brought in with the others_"

"I went inside the room after the shooting," she interrupted. "You were here when the others were brought in?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Did…Will Gardner, did he…" her voice broke. "Is he…"

"William Gardner is in surgery."

"So he is alive? Is he going to make it?" she asked quickly.

The doctor hesitated for a few seconds. "He is in surgery. We will know more after," he said.

"No," she said feebly and shook her head. "No, I know this kind of talk…I…you don't think…" tears started pouring from her eyes. "You don't think he is going to make it do you?" she finally managed.

"I wouldn't want to speculate Mrs. Florrick," he said. Alicia noticed he was averting his eyes. Damnit, she was a lawyer, she knew what that meant. The good doctor didn't think Will stood a chance of recovering. The realization made her gasp. The weird spots returned in her vision before she passed out once again.

This time when Alicia woke up, it wasn't the governor of Illinois by her side, but her own brother.

"What are you doing here?" she asked surprised to see him there.

"Peter had to go get the kids. He would've brought them but you are being discharged in two days. He thought if you wanted them to come, he will bring them by tomorrow."

"How long was I out?"

Owen shrugged. "Not sure. I don't know how long you were out before I got here. I have only been here for about half an hour or so."

"Do you…did Peter tell you that Will…" her bottom lip started trembling softly and tears made an appearance soon after.

"Yes, he told me about the shooting," Owen interrupted. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

"Do you know if…" she chocked on a sob. "Oh Owen, what if he…and I didn't tell him. I didn't want to admit it but I…"

"I know," her brother said softly.

Alicia nodded. "He wanted to tell me something. When I got to him after he was shot. He… he was still…" Owen handed her a paper tissue. "Still conscious. He kept…" she blew her nose loudly. "He kept opening his mouth to say something…" her voice broke again. Owen pulled his chair closer to her bed, leaned over and pulled her upper body against him as much as he could. Her head was resting on his shoulder and he was petting her hair whispering to her that it will be ok. That Will was going to survive and she will get her chance to tell him how she felt. To tell him whatever she wanted to tell him. For a minute, Alicia let him hold her. For a whole minute she chose to believe him.

When she finally pulled away, she blew her nose once more and wiped away her tears. Crying wasn't helping anyone. "He was in surgery when I passed out. Do you…could you see if_"

"I will go and see what I can find out," her brother said before she got to finish her sentence. He stood up at once and soon was out of the door, leaving Alicia alone with her thoughts.

_Alicia was laughing so hard her cheeks were hurting. "Oh my God! That was exactly how…how he said it," Alicia mumbled out of breath._

"_Gentlemen, gentlemen," Will said in an exaggerated manner and waving his right arm. Alicia burst into laughter once more. _

"_Ah, good old Mr. Brown," she said and whipped a tear from the corner of her eye. "Think he is still alive?" she asked._

_Will tilted his head. "Alicia, the man was ninety when he was teaching us. Unless he found some elixir of life, I think it's safe to assume he is trying to discipline the dead," he said and Alicia pursed her lips to keep herself from laughing. _

"_Will!"_

"_What? We all gotta go one day. It's the world's most absolute certainty," he said. She raised an eyebrow at him._

"_Well, yes, but still not for another thirty, forty years," she said and Will smiled at her._

"_Not if you keep working me like this," he joked. Alicia hit him with a pillow. As revenge Will started tickling her. He was the only man in possession of the knowledge that Alicia had a tickly chin. And he took advantage of that information every chance he got._

The door to her room opened and Alicia nearly jumped out of bed.

"Wow there, it's just me," her brother said before getting in and closing the door behind him. Alicia watched him impatiently. "Ah, yes. He made it through surgery. He was moved to room 612 just two hours ago from surgery. They are waiting for him to wake up. Margie things he is a fighter. And Claudia thinks he is gorgeous and has an incredible bone structure."

Alicia felt such relief as soon as the words 'he made it through surgery' came out of her brother's mouth that she actually chuckled.

"Who are these people?"

"They are the nurses in charge of Will Gardner, my brother in law."

"What?"

"Ah yes, see, they wouldn't give me any information. So… I might've told them Will was your husband and you had been hurt too and wanted to know what was going on."

"Owen!"

"What? No harm. I mean, Claudia was devastated, but she'll recover."

Alicia found herself smiling once more. What was wrong with her? It must be the pills they gave her. And what was with everyone telling people she was married to Will?

"I could probably smuggle you into Will's room later if you want," Owen offered. She looked at him for a minute before nodding her approval.

***UH***

Owen managed to somehow fall asleep on the extremely small couch on the left side of the room. Alicia listened to his soft snores for over an hour before deciding to smuggle herself inside Will's room. Her brother had told her Will was in room 612. As she got out and into the bright lights, Alicia felt a little disoriented. She turned around and noticed that her own room was 420. That meant she must be on the 4th floor.

It didn't take Alicia long to spot the elevators. In five minutes she was in front of Will's room. The door was slightly ajar, so she simply pushed it open and slipped inside, closing it behind her.

There was a chair near his bed. Alicia wondered for a few seconds who had occupied it. Was it one of the nurses Owen had told her about? Or maybe Diane or Kalinda? What if Miss O'Hara had been there? It didn't matter. She shook her head and made her way towards the bed. The chair was empty now. She let her body fall into the chair and let out a sigh. He looked so pale. After wiping a few stubborn tears from her cheeks, she stretched her arm to caress his face. As soon as her palm made contact, his eyes opened. Alicia gasped and smiled. "Hey," she said softly.

"Leech," he murmured in a weak, gruff voice. She nodded with a smile as tears were pouring from her eyes more than ever, only this time they were tears of joy. She had come so close to losing him forever. The thought sent a chill down her spine that made her shiver. "You're not real," Will mumbled. Alicia frowned. "I am hallucinating like I did in court."

Alicia grabbed his hand in hers and gave it a firm squeeze. "I am real Will. And I was there too. In court. We had cases at the same time. I was in the room next to yours remember?" she asked. She didn't wait for Will to answer the question before speaking again. "I heard the gunshots and came looking for you."

"No, it can't…you said things. You said that…" he paused and let out a little grimace of pain. Alicia winced as if it was hurting her too. "You said that you loved…said to hold on and that you loved me," he finally finished.

Alicia leaned over. She took his hand and placed his palm against her face. "I am real Will," she said softly and kissed his palm. "And I meant what I said in the court room. I was… I was stupid and stubborn and you almost…" she closed her eyes for a second.

Hot tears were falling from her eyes, straight into Will's palm. He used his thumb to caress her cheek and wipe away as many of her tears as he could. "Don't cry," he murmured.

Instead of ceasing to cry she let out a loud sob. "Oh Will…I was…I am so sorry. I was so scared," she mumbled. At this point she was holding on to him so tight, she was afraid she might actually cut off his circulation. "I thought you might…that you will never know that I loved you. I love you Will."

"I love you too," he said weakly.

A few minutes later Will drifted back to sleep. Alicia stood up and kissed his cheek and forehead. "I'll be back soon," she whispered in his ear and turned around. Peter was standing in the doorway.

"I thought I might find you here," he said. Alicia opened her mouth but no words came out. "Are you feeling better now that you know Will's going to make it?" he asked.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked without answering his question.

"Long enough to hear your grand confession," he said with a shrug. "I mean really…I think I knew. I think I always knew that no matter what, there will always be a part of you that belonged to him."

"Peter I_"

Peter raised a hand to stop her. "It's not the time. The kids wanted to see you. They are in your room with Owen."

Alicia started walking towards him slowly. "I thought you were bringing them tomorrow?"

"It is tomorrow. It's five in the morning, but technically it is tomorrow."

Alicia frowned. "They were worried and wanted to see you," he went on.

Before they reached the door to her room, Peter stopped her by grabbing her arm. "For the record. I am happy Will made it, even if that means I lost my wife."

Alicia's eyes were full of tears once more as she opened the door. Her heart hurt for the man she had spent nearly two decades married too. She hurt for them both, for their beautiful children and for the many years they shared. She cared for Peter still and always will, but she was no longer in love with him. Not for some time. Alicia knew with a hundred per cent certainty. She was in love with Will Gardner. And she was planning to spend the rest of her life making sure he knew.


End file.
